A Lesson...

Olivia has been trying her hand at walking backwards lately. This afternoon she learned that she should watch where she is walking or things like this may happen...

Almost....

My baby is almost a year! Crazy, I say! Here are a few pics from her first adventure in the snow. Soon I will be posting pics from her 1 year b-day party....sniff...smile. It truly is bittersweet.

You promise this will be fun, right? 'Cuz this is a lot of work....

Ummm...was that the yellow stuff because it sure didn't taste good?


This stuff really is not that bad...

October Fun

So I have not updated this site in a while so I thought I would post a few pics so you can all see the fun we had in October.

For Halloween Olivia went as a rock star...too cute!

We had a good time at the farm (even Grandpa got in on the fun)





Olivia had a chance to see the miniature horses at Great Grandma's. She was not so sure about the kisses the horse was trying to give to her neck!



After all the excitement we had a chance to just chill at home!

What caption would you put on this picture?

Miss Independent

I made Olivia vegetable soup with crackers for lunch today. I actually like to call it vegetable mush due to the immense number of crackers that I actually add. Well, she basically refused to eat it when I was spooning it to her. I managed to get a few spoonfuls in but that was about it. So I thought I'd try to see if it was the food that was the problem or if it was me. Obviously, it was me. And yes, a bath did follow!

The Weekend

We were able to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather this past weekend by taking Olivia to Lake Michigan for her first time. Now, I wasn't entirely prepared for how warm it really was but we still had fun and were able to cool off a little by putting our feet in the cool water. If she had her way she would have tried swimming. Her sense of fear has yet to develop. After the beach we headed out to a park that was on our way home and had a quick snack and went to the playground. Olivia enjoyed her swing, watching daddy try and do pull ups on the bars, and mommy hanging upside down on the bars (which she is getting way to old to do!)

Mmmm...Mac 'n Cheese

Daddy's Uh-Oh!

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Bigger and Bigger....sniffle

So I know that I am pressing my luck with trying to blog. Olivia is currently sleeping and has been for a hour and 15 minutes (gasp!). Any second I am sure I'll start to hear the cry...but in the mean time I'll try to get all of you some updates on the angel!

She has cut 4 teeth now, 2 top and 2 bottom. This made for one quite interesting nursing episode. Let's just say she ended up skipping a meal ;) She crawls all over the place and if you leave the room she is right on your heels. I tried to block her in the living room the other day by putting the port-a-crib in front of the entry and she tried crawling underneath it to escape. It was funny to see her bottom half wiggling as she tried army crawling under it. She made it about 1/2 way before she got mad and I had to rescue her. She loves to stand! She can pull herself up to a standing position without the aid of anything already. I know it won't be long before she will be walking all over the place.

She has the best smile in the whole world! She smiles with her whole face and sometimes her smile is so big I don't know how she can see out of her squinty eyes!

We are looking forward to sharing the next few holidays with her. It will be fun because she is old enough to get some fun out of them. We are currently deciding what to dress her up as for Halloween. We are going to a party that night so we actually need costume ideas for all 3 of us. Any suggestions??

Doubts & Paranoia

I have noticed that I have been using the phrase "I just get the vibe that..." a lot when in conversations (about other conversations) with Greg lately. It seems that I am in a phase that doesn't allow me to take what someone says to me at face value. I am constantly looking for their real intentions behind their words and what they are really thinking but not saying. I find that I am watching that person's actions and listening to their tone of voice and possibly pulling in some illegitimate feelings to the conversation. I am even doing this with Greg someone I know I can trust and would never do this to me. This is of course making me feel very doubtful of my roles and my relationships with people. I know this is all "in my head" because I go through these phases from time to time and the feelings will eventually fade and I am "normal" again. In the mean time....if you have a verse/passage that could help I would appreciate it!

Clothes, Clothes....Oh How I Would Love New Clothes!

Retailers do a great job of making me excited for the upcoming school year, but why does it matter to me? I don't go to school any more and I have no children that currently do. I think what I get excited about is all the new stuff that even "no-school" people end up thinking they have to have. The new clothes are the biggest and hardest thing to overcome for me. Especially with how I feel about my current wardrobe and how it "fits" my new mommy body. I try to be a good steward of the money God has allowed us but it always seems like there is some reason to go to the store and buy something. And do you want to know what the WORST show to watch is when you are feeling down about your clothes...TLC's What Not To Wear. I would love 5K to spend on new clothes!!! How fun would that be :)

One of those moments...

All women should be able to relate...
Don't you hate those moments when you realize that you have a stray piece of hair slip down your shirt only to securely end up hanging out in your bra. The perfect spot to tickle and annoy you. Of course, this always occurs at the most inconvenient times and places. For example, you notice you are a victim to the torturous hair while taking your daughter for a walk. You realize its presence when you come to a busy intersection that requires you to wait for the traffic to clear before continuing on. What to do? Pull open the top of your shirt and pull it out in front of all the traffic or wait for the clearing. Choices...choices....ok you need to pull that hair out now, no waiting for the "appropriate" time...it tickles!! Open the shirt, look down, grab the little...CRAP....it's a bug!

A Day Out...

Recently Greg, Lu, and I went to the Outdoor Discovery Center. This place is great and if you ever want to take a nice, relaxing walk without a lot of other people around you have to check it out. I think we picked one of the hottest days but we all managed quite well and had a great time. (Other than for that annoying fly that for a few hundred feet would NOT leave me alone!)

One of the cool things about the center is that they have an air conditioned little building that you can go into at the front that has a lot of taxidermy and small living "creatures" in tanks and cages. There is a screech owl that talks to you whenever you approach him (although I don't think he is always saying nice things). Lu enjoyed watching the painted turtle which turned out to be quite entertaining.

This and That

What's been going on? Well, I haven't been posting...but I think you have all realized that! Instead I have been working, going to doctor appointments, running errands, keeping up on the house, and most importantly spending more time with Olivia and Greg. I must say right now I feel very weird because Olivia is asleep and Greg is playing paintball for a bachelor party. It's so quiet here! I have taken this down time to get some stuff done for me, like painting my toenails, taking a hot bath, checking email. It's nice time to have but I honestly would trade it to have Greg hanging out with me. I am glad that he had the opportunity to play tonight. It is one of his favorite past times that he hasn't done in a very long time. Oh...what's that sound? The garage door! Yeah, Greg's home...I guess this concludes this blog! :) Be back the next time I have a spare moment...

A Few Snap Shots...

Here are some pictures from the past month.....
She has some of the cutest and craziest expressions sometimes! Totally adorable!!!

Teething Turmoils

Olivia cut her first tooth this past Wednesday. Honestly, I would not have even known had my mother not told me that she had a tooth. Now, this second tooth has been a different story. While I didn't even realize the first one had come the second one has been very obvious to its impeding arrival. Fever, Rash, Icky BM's, Runny Nose...she has had it all. Throughout all of this though she has been in a pretty good mood. I gotta hand it to her, she is quite a trooper!

This is her teething face. I have noticed that she tends to suck in her bottom lip more frequently during this phase of development. It is quite cute!

Growing Up So Quickly!

Olivia is sitting up now! Something on TV apparently has her quite captivated in this picture. It is so crazy how quickly she changes and learns things. Her new thing the last few days has been shaking her head "no" at you.

I finally took Olivia to the nursery at church this past Sunday and she left quite a first impression. When I came to pick her up she had been changed into a different outfit because she thought she'd initiate her new care givers with an over-filled diaper. What is kind of funny is that someone who over heard me telling Greg about it later that afternoon said to me "Oh- it was your daughter who had the blowout, I heard about that." Now isn't that something to make you feel like a proud parent! Needless to say, I don't think they'll forget who Olivia is now.

Oh- and she slept 9 hours straight last night! Yeah!!!

Success, Sickness, and Other Thoughs...

I am happy to say that we have broke Olivia's swaddling requirement for sleep! We started the process last week Thursday night because I knew I didn't have to go to work again until the following Wednesday. This would then give me lots of time to sleep during the day to make up for the lack of sleep at night. The first few nights were definitely difficult. Up every 2 hours and such but she slowly began to sleep longer and longer...We are now back to our normal sleep schedule before we took the swaddle away. Yeah!!! She was starting to outgrow the swaddle since she started eating so much and I really didn't want to buy the next size up.

Olivia had her first non-well child visit to the doctor yesterday. She has had a runny nose for the past week and then Monday she started this really icky cough. Imagine barking cough with gasps for air in between coughs. Turns out she has croup. She is handling it very well and honestly she doesn't have a terrible case. It seems to actually be getting better already. Last night she slept with the humidifier on and I only heard her wake up coughing twice. Today she coughed a little in the morning but I haven't heard anything since. The doctor was funny though because she said she is only contagious when she coughs so she would be OK to go to daycare. What??? How do you figure...there are kids there??? Do you expect me to tape her mouth shut so she doesn't cough??? So regardless of the doctor's advice we have stayed home from work this week. We'll see how tonight goes and maybe we'll try going in tomorrow. That's still up in the air though because I don't want any other child to get sick and I want to make sure she is completely better (especially since I have to go to work on Monday to do a new employee orientation for them).

On a Jessica note....I find myself getting very frustrated lately. What's frustrating is that I am making myself this way for no good reason! There is irony. Essentially my problem is that I want to do so much! I want to be the crafty girl who is getting those pictures painted for her daughter's room, getting that massive pile of mending done, starting and finishing my sewing projects, putting on a garage sale, going blueberry/strawberry picking, going for daily walks, taking my daughter to neat places like the zoo, reading books, visiting with people, home improvement projects started/finished. But as the days go on I am realizing that not all of of this stuff is getting done. I am staying on top of the everyday stuff like laundry and dishes. Olivia and I have fun everyday but there is just part of me that wants more out of the day. Things like cost of fuel, distance to everything, and honestly lack of motivation some days are some of these things that are preventing me from getting everything accomplished. I know that I am doing a good job at what I am getting done. I think that it is just part of who I am; always wanting to do more. I think that is why I always got frustrated at nearly every place I have worked. I would start out with just a few responsibilities but then I would see things that could be done so I would do them resulting in me being given more responsibilities. I guess it isn't always a bad thing but sometimes I would really like to be okay with being lazy (just for a while)!

Seriously!

Today started out a typical day, nothing out of the ordinary. During Olivia's 2nd nap I also laid down to catch some zzz's only to be woken up to an odd noise a mere 15 minutes later. Was is raining out? If so, it was pouring! No...I don't think it is raining, but what is that noise? Crap....it better not be....I ran down stairs only to have my worst fears confirmed. The washing machine was draining onto the floor instead of into the drain. I quickly walked through the 2+inches of water to turn off the washing machine (which was my last load of 7). Now what?? My mind raced with what I should do. I stopped the dryer and pulled out the towels that I had just washed and started throwing them all over the place while quickly realizing that even if I had another 50 towels there wouldn't be enough for all the water that was quickly soaking into the hallway carpet! :( I called Greg just so he could get me to think straight. I went to the garage to quickly convert the shop vac into a wet vac (which took some time because we had just used it last weekend to vacuum up the garage so it was full of nastiness!) I finally got it down stairs and started sucking. Things were going well, considering. I called my mother in law and asked her to come over with her floor cleaner to suck up the water from the carpet. Oh wait....what's that I hear? Oh it's Olivia she is up from her nap...oh and she is poopy and wanting to be fed. Ughh...Ok, mom in law shows up and we tag team the mess only to be stopped short because her vacuum's motor died only 10 minutes into the process, leaving a nice black mess on the carpet. Seriously...can things get better?? So I went to the local True Value....their rental is out and they have none I can buy...they suggest the local grocery store. Yeah....success! So the majority of the mess is now cleaned up. I am currently taking a break and will resume when Greg gets home. I told Greg this morning that I wasn't feeling very motivated. I guess God decided to give me a kick in the butt to get going! :)

But I have to give a big thank you to my mother in law for all the help she gave between letting her vacuum die and watching Olivia while I sucked up more water. Her help was VERY appreciated. I don't know how I would have handled the situation without her help. Also a thank you to Greg for helping me start to think straight again. Hopefully no more situations will arise and we can all enjoy the weekend that is upon us!

The Return of Sleep....

We have finally discovered the secret to sleeping the whole night through....food! We started feeding Olivia rice cereal about two weeks ago or so and quickly changed to Oatmeal. She LOVES her oatmeal, especially if it is thick! To give you an idea the doctor said to do 1-2 Tbs with 4-5 Oz of breast milk. Olivia, however, prefers 4 Tbs with 2 Oz of breast milk. Honestly, if I made her 8 Tbs she would love it even more. She eats so quickly and excitedly! It is quite entertaining to watch. Well, after introducing these foods to her diet it really didn't seem to effect her sleeping abilities as she was still just going 3-4 hours throughout the night between feedings. However, sleeping patterns changed with the introduction of veggies. Now her last meal before bed consists of 4 Tbs of Oatmeal, 1/2 a Veggie, and 15-30 minutes of nursing. She is a little piggy but it has resulted in 6 1/2 to 8 1/2 hours of straight sleep. Ahhh...sleep! :)


Of course after these "not so clean" first attempts at new food comes bath time. Her time in the water is her other love, food being the first! Her hair is finally getting long enough to start taking the lovely Mohawk pictures!

Protecting Her Blues

Loving It!

I have been at the 2-day a week work schedule for a few weeks now and I absolutely love it! It is so nice to be able to hang out with Olivia and see her change and develop her personality. On Mother's Day her gift to me was that she began to blow raspberries. She is so funny when she does it but she does make a huge mess of any outfit as she pushes out a lot of spit in the process. She is such an amazing gift and I thank God all the time for blessing Greg and I with her. Speaking of Greg....I couldn't ask for a better hubby! I love him so much and he does such a great job providing for us, loving us, and being there for us. This week has been pretty stressful as we are going through the process of buying a car, closing on our refinanced mortgage, and meeting with a company for windows (which for anyone who is wondering....they are VERY expensive!) Lots of things that involve lots of money. Ultimately we are spending money to save money but it's the having to spend the money that hurts right now. With me only working part time it is easy to get caught up in the stress of all this but God is watching out for us and I know that in the end it will all work out. Greg you have been great and thanks for all your patience and devotion! And on a cute note here is a picture of Olivia's first attempt at rice cereal!

New Windows

We will be looking into getting new windows shortly. Does anyone have any recommendations for companies to check out....or....companies to avoid???

Back Yard Invasion

Check this out and let me know what it is. I know I have seen one before I just can't come up with the name right now. It does make me a little nervous to go out and start the spring cleanup back there....especially since Olivia will be with me :( I just don't know if it is mean??

(I apologize for the quality and for the shakiness...I was looking through my bedroom window while holding Olivia!)

Part Time!

Since my last post my bosses have asked me to work 2 days part time. I am pretty excited about this opportunity. When making the decision to work or not to work I knew that part time wasn't an option with the company that I am currently with and so because of this I choose to not work. Money would be tight but there were too many benefits to not working. God always makes sure you are taken care of and this time he did so by allowing a part time position to be made for me at the company. This week was my first part time week. I worked Monday and will work again tomorrow. It is so nice to have this extra time off to be able to spend with Olivia! I am so glad I have this opportunity and precious time with my daughter.

My Little Girl (is getting so big!)

Our daughter has a drooling problem.....











You can almost see the wheels turning...










Dreaming Angel








Cuddling with Daddy.... I love that she is a cuddler!

Updates....

So it has been a while since I last blogged. Here is an update to the happenings in my life....

Last week my great grandfather passed away. It is sad to see him go but I am happy for him since we was ready to move on. Greg wrote a great blog about him. Olivia did a wonderful job handling her first visitations/funeral.

We had my sister's bachelorette party last weekend. For the most part it was pretty fun...with lots of fun pictures to use as black mail in the future. However, the second portion of the evening found us at The Melting Pot for desert which turned out to be a pretty lousy experience. I was pretty disappointed with the service and the overall trip but I guess you can't ever predict that kind of stuff.

Today, my good-bye letter went out to all the families and staff at the center. Yes, that's right....I have quit my job. It was a long internal debate for me but ultimately I decided that I would rather be with Olivia during this stage of her life than dealing with the stress and craziness of working full time. I may still work an occasional day here and there as they are going to be pretty busy with administrative issues over the next month or so but on the 18th I will no longer need to get up every day to go to work. My biggest concern with not working is that I have never "not worked". I have always been pretty active and being that I live where I do and don't have any close friends around, there may be the occasional moments when I contemplate making the right choice for my sanity sake. I know this is where God is leading me though and I am interested to see what opportunities he presents me now that I have my weekdays free. Financially I know that things will not always be easy but that is the part where I trust God to take care of everything. He has been with us through more difficult transitions, I know he'll take care of us during this one.


Olivia is growing so much! This past week she started to roll from her back to her belly. Once she even went from belly to back but I think that was purely accidental since she looked shocked at what she did. I am pretty sure she is starting the teeth process. Her bottom gums have a few hard, white spots showing up, she drools like a faucet, and always is trying to have something in her mouth. I truly believe that she is too darn young....how come babies grow up so quickly??? Hopefully I will get some updated pics of her on the blog this weekend. I need to download the 300 some pics that are on my camera's memory card.

Last week I also got the good news that I was excused from jury duty with the circuit court due to breast feeding. I was VERY nervous about the prospect of having to serve, especially since I had already given my notice at work so I wouldn't have care and I would have issues with the breast feeding. I have honestly always wanted to go through the jury selection just to see what it is like but the timing was just rotten. Why couldn't they have picked my name this time last year??? Oh- well, my name is back in the random lottery so we'll see when I get called again.

Alright, I guess that is enough for tonight. Olivia is starting the whine for her last meal of the evening. Which means I am getting close to bed time! Yes!!! :)

Upside Down Crazy!

WARNING: CONTAINS RANDOM THOUGHTS.

I have been so busy and yet seemingly unproductive lately. Ever since I went back to work full time the days have flown by and my life outside of work has gone to the wayside. It seems as though I don't have time for anything. My typical day is: work, feed Olivia, wash bottles and re-pack diaper bag for the next day, eat, spend some quality play time with Olivia while trying to re-connect with Greg, feed Olivia again, put Olivia to sleep, and then it's my bedtime.

I also have a terrible cold. I sound like an old, creepy guy! I tried to get a doctor appt on Thursday but they were booked so I told them I would wait it out and see how the weekend went. Then on Friday morning I woke up with pink eye :( Blah.... So I called the doctor again and yet again they had no openings. Thankfully though the doctor decided to call me in a prescription for my eyes and told me to try MucinexD for the other illness. I feel bad for Olivia because every time I nurse her I end up having to cough and it scares the begeegees out of her sometimes.

My sister is getting married early next month so I have been attending bridal showers and trying to plan the bachelorette party. I have good ideas in my head it is just taking the time to share them with the co-planners and actually starting the implementation process. I finally emailed my co-planners a few minutes ago; I was suppose to email them 2 weeks ago. Oops! I need to go buy some silver shoes soon. I have my fitting in 2 weeks. I currently have a love/hate relationship with shopping. I love the idea of buying new items but hate seeing how much things cost and so I just walk out of the store with nothing. However, I need to break down and get some shoes soon.

I have a 4 inch high stack of paperwork sitting on my table that needs to be sorted through. I know I have some bills in there. I am hoping none of them are due soon! Laundry is ALWAYS needing to be done. Dishes are ALWAYS needing to be done. :(

Our town is currently under a boiling water advisory. Now it takes even more time to get ready in the morning because I have to brush my teeth using bottled water. Ughh...I hope they fix the problem soon!

Things have been...hhhmmm...let's say "outlandishly crazy" at work. We'll leave it at that.

Alright, enough blogging for now. Olivia is up from her nap and wanting some food. I hope to post some pics of her soon for all of you who have been asking! :)

Pyogenic Granuloma

That is the official name of what was at the end of my fingertip. I received a letter from the dermatologist today which said that the lab results confirmed the doctor's diagnosis. The doctor also included a short description of PG: blood vessel at top of skin. I did a quick google search and discovered this site for any of you brave enough to stand the icky pictures. Just remember..I warned you. :)

Things are not so easy...

So back in October I discovered a weird growth on my right hand's index finger. At first we thought it was a blood blister but after an unsuccessful attempt at "popping" it I decided to let my doctor look at it. Her response was "Eww...what is that?" Anyways, because it wasn't bothering me she told me that we'd look at it again when the pregnancy was over, unless it started to become painful or change. So yesterday I finally had my dermatologist appt to get it looked at. She told me what it is...5 times and I still can't repeat it. It is nothing with a normal name but called PG for short. She said that some pregnant women develop them for some unknown reason. She then sat there and debated with herself out loud if she wanted to cut it off there or send me to the hand surgeon. After consulting with another doctor she decided to cut as much of it off as she could and hope that anything remaining would go away on its own. Have any of you had a numbing shot in your fingertip before? IT HURTS! So after the pain of the shot, the large amount of blood lost, and the smell of burning flesh I am left with this:


Now, imagine doing some of the following with that on your finger:
typing
dishes
showering
changing explosive baby diapers (thanks for the help Greg!)
eating greasy pizza
eating a PB & J sandwich
putting in and taking out contacts
doing your makeup

You see...I am right handed, making all of these things that much harder. And my disclaimer for this post is that if there are typos you try to post without you dominate index finger!

Baby Dedication

Today we had a baby dedication service at church. As part of the service we had an opportunity to read a blessing to our daughter in front of our friends and family. Due to time constraints we only had a few minutes so we read a shortened version that can be seen on Greg's blog. This version, however, is a more complete compilation of my thoughts while writing Olivia's blessing.

Olivia, you have brought so much joy and wholeness into my life. I am so honored and moved to be your mother. Your existence has already allowed me to see God’s love in a whole new way and I know he will continue to make me a better woman and mother through the lessons that he will teach me through you. I hope that through your journey of life you will become a strong, courageous, and noble woman of God. Life may not always be easy but know that I am always there for you, there to talk with, to cry with, to laugh with, and to pray with. I waited patiently for your amazing arrival, so excited to be able to meet you and see you! The arrival, however, took longer than expected, 2 extra weeks! And even with the help of modern medicine you were determined to stay in my womb as long as you could. I hope that as your grow and develop you will continue that desire to stay close with me for I love every minute we spend together. Your smiles, coos, and cuddles are so precious and will forever be in my memory. You are a blessing beyond my wildest imagination and so in turn I hope to be a blessing to you as you continue to grow and mature.

It is amazing how much you have grown in the last 6 weeks. From the time we learned that you were coming until now you have given us so many things to smile about and be thankful for. You are a true gift from God and we know that your presence will continue to be such a blessing in our lives and those around you as you grow physically and spiritually. We want so much to show you the love and faith you need to not only live your life, but to flourish in it.

When we look at you we are overcome with emotion. Your tiny fingers and toes, inquisitive eyes, adorable nose, always moving legs, and open ready-for-food mouth…..you are such an amazing child and we know that God will continue to perform amazing things through you. Always be open to God’s calling and know that he is always there for you. We pray that someday you will come to know Jesus in a deep and real way as your savior, and comforter, and your best friend. No matter what life brings, we hope that through our example you will see that God can be trusted. As we try our best to show you God’s goodness, we pray that you are able to be a reflection of the amazing and generous God. We pray that your heart will beat with His and that others may have the extraordinary opportunity to see Him through you. Never underestimate the power of God’s love shining through you, it can work miracles.

Olivia, we love you so much and it is truly an honor to be called your parents.

More Dress Up!

We had Olivia try on one of her super-adorable outfits from her Aunt....Click here!

This requires constant supervision

"Mmmm...finger tips...yummy..."

I really hope she doesn't discover the thumb....

I Have A 4 Week Old!

It it crazy how quickly the last 4 weeks have gone. I look at Olivia and can not believe how big she is. I can still picture how tiny she was when I first got to hold her. People see her and say things like "ohhh, she is so tiny, I had forgotten that they can be so tiny...". But in my mind she is getting so big, so fast! It's such a bittersweet emotion to see your baby growing right before your eyes! I look at her when she is sleeping and just think to myself 'wow'.

This is the first picture that made me think of my own baby pictures. I am not sure what it is about the picture but for the first time I saw a bit of myself in her and not Greg. Weird? We finally got some of my baby pictures out the other night. Greg had a good time laughing at my chubby cheeks...

The Return of Rest

So the schedule it going fairly well. There have been some alterations but I am starting to figure out what works best for her. We have been putting her down for bed the past three nights at 9:30 and she then sleeps until 1:30 when I wake her up for a feeding. She then goes back to bed and again I wake her at 6 for another feeding. She has about 20 minutes of awake time after that feeding and then she goes back to bed until 9. I must admit it is pretty nice to wake your baby up to a pleasant meal instead of having her screams and tears wake you up. The mid-morning/afternoon seem to be the most topsy-turvy right now. I got her to take a 2.5 hour nap today and now she is playing by herself in the swing. I love that she is finally starting to interact with her environment on her own.

I have finally been able to start getting some stuff done with her schedule now being in place. Not only am I getting more rest but I have also started to read one of the books I got for Christmas, "Blue Like Jazz". It feels good to be doing something for myself...even if it is just reading a book.

Is His Grace Enough?

My husband has been reading Max Lucado's book In The Grip of Grace. The other night he had me read the following small section out loud. I found my voice starting to get weaker the more I read.

"In God Came Near I've told how our oldest daughter fell into a swimming pool when she was two years old. A friend saw her and pulled her to safety. What I didn't tell was what happened the next morning in my prayer time. I made a special effort to record my gratitude in my journal. I told God how wonderful he was for saving her. As clearly as if God himself were speaking, this question came to mind: Would I be less wonderful had I let her drown? Would I be any less a good God for calling her home? Would I still be receiving your praise this morning had I not saved her? Is God still a good God when he says no?"

This is such a powerful message to me. It is so easy to say that I trust God and that I know he has my best interest in mind. But when it comes right down to it...do I trust him? Would I be able to praise him if he were to take home one of my loved ones, my daughter? my husband? The thought is enough to bring tears to my eyes. Is my faith strong enough? Is God's grace enough for me?

Wow

Who would have thought that putting a baby on a routine would be so hard, emotionally? Have you ever tried to go about your day as your child is crying in their crib because they don't want to sleep (on their own)? Breaks your heart... It has almost been a hour and she is just starting to calm down....and now she is scheduled to get up in 20 minutes. I don't doubt for a minute that this is what needs to happen in order to get her on a healthy schedule; how does the cliche go? No pain no gain. This time it is my emotional pain, not my physical pain that is being tested for the ultimate gain of a semi-predictable day. It is for her best and mine...just turn my music up a little louder so I don't go crazy with guilt as I listen to her plead for my attention.

Beautiful Baby

Olivia is now 19 days old. Where does the time go? It seems like I was still in the hospital yesterday. Over the past 2 1/2 weeks I have started to notice fun little idiosyncrasies about my amazing and beautiful daughter; including: She LOVES the sound of running water, she tends to stop fussing when she is getting her hair brushed, she has great dreams (I'm sure it's just gas but she smiles a lot when she sleeps...I'll just pretend that she is dreaming of happy things), and she is a drunk (milk drunk that is...you should see that face after she has nursed!).

I am learning how to function on very little sleep. It is amazing what you can still do with such little time to dream yourself. Some nights she sleeps 4-6 hours straight while others she's up every hour. Last night she didn't even try to sleep for me until about 5am. That was nice.....thankfully Greg didn't have to go to work today and was able to help out some.

I knew it would be an adjustment to my life style, having a baby....I am starting to feel the effects more and more now that I can't just "quick run errands". I have been to Grand Rapids twice in the past week and each time I can think of a million things I need to get done (new wiper blades for the car, buy more breast milk freezer bags, pick up my bridesmaid dress...) but it is really hard to do that when you have a baby. I am sure it will get better in time. I am still healing from the c-section and it will start to "warm" up eventually which will also help...it's just the time it takes to get to that point. There are things I would love to be getting done at home as well. I have books to read, pillow cases to sew, a baby book to update, wedding speeches to write, etc...but I just haven't yet. I know it is alright, again I am still in recovery, but I am just afraid that my maternity leave is going to be over before I know it and I will still have this list staring me in the face. I know all of this is OK and normal....just part of the adjustment to having something more important in my life than tasks; which I am more than OK with. Olivia is a wonderful blessing and I would rather have a list staring at me for the rest of my life than not have this precious gift cradled in my arms.

My Two Loves...

I could not be more in love with these two....

Greg has been such a loving support for me during this transition. His devotion to my needs and the needs of Olivia are amazing. He is truly God sent.

Olivia just melts my heart every time I look at her (even after I am lying her down from another feeding and she explodes in her pants at 1 am and I have to start the whole "to bed" routine again.)

Thank you God for giving me these amazing people in my life.

Hehe...Dress Up Is Fun!

My Very Own Sleeping Beauty

Isn't she precious! She is slowly starting to get onto a routine but she is having a hard time with the idea of only eating after nap...she seems to enjoy eating before nap, after nap, and in between those before and after times...just in case that next meal gets delayed for some reason. I guess she gets that from her daddy! :)

She's Here!

Olivia McKay

Here is the quick recap of her eventful coming....
Sunday 7:00pm Arrive at Hospital
Sunday 9:00pm Receive First Medication for Induction
Monday 10:00am Start Second Medication for Induction
Monday All Day Lots of Pain....
Tuesday 12:15am Start Pushing
Tuesday 2:45pm C-Section Discussed, She isn't in a good position and after that long of pushing she is starting to get "tired" as is Mom...
Tuesday 3:15am Start C-Section
Tuesday 3:29am She's Finally Here!

She wasn't the first baby of the year for Grand Rapids but she was the first for that hospital. I guess she wanted to make a very grand entrance.