This requires constant supervision

"Mmmm...finger tips...yummy..."

I really hope she doesn't discover the thumb....

I Have A 4 Week Old!

It it crazy how quickly the last 4 weeks have gone. I look at Olivia and can not believe how big she is. I can still picture how tiny she was when I first got to hold her. People see her and say things like "ohhh, she is so tiny, I had forgotten that they can be so tiny...". But in my mind she is getting so big, so fast! It's such a bittersweet emotion to see your baby growing right before your eyes! I look at her when she is sleeping and just think to myself 'wow'.

This is the first picture that made me think of my own baby pictures. I am not sure what it is about the picture but for the first time I saw a bit of myself in her and not Greg. Weird? We finally got some of my baby pictures out the other night. Greg had a good time laughing at my chubby cheeks...

The Return of Rest

So the schedule it going fairly well. There have been some alterations but I am starting to figure out what works best for her. We have been putting her down for bed the past three nights at 9:30 and she then sleeps until 1:30 when I wake her up for a feeding. She then goes back to bed and again I wake her at 6 for another feeding. She has about 20 minutes of awake time after that feeding and then she goes back to bed until 9. I must admit it is pretty nice to wake your baby up to a pleasant meal instead of having her screams and tears wake you up. The mid-morning/afternoon seem to be the most topsy-turvy right now. I got her to take a 2.5 hour nap today and now she is playing by herself in the swing. I love that she is finally starting to interact with her environment on her own.

I have finally been able to start getting some stuff done with her schedule now being in place. Not only am I getting more rest but I have also started to read one of the books I got for Christmas, "Blue Like Jazz". It feels good to be doing something for myself...even if it is just reading a book.

Is His Grace Enough?

My husband has been reading Max Lucado's book In The Grip of Grace. The other night he had me read the following small section out loud. I found my voice starting to get weaker the more I read.

"In God Came Near I've told how our oldest daughter fell into a swimming pool when she was two years old. A friend saw her and pulled her to safety. What I didn't tell was what happened the next morning in my prayer time. I made a special effort to record my gratitude in my journal. I told God how wonderful he was for saving her. As clearly as if God himself were speaking, this question came to mind: Would I be less wonderful had I let her drown? Would I be any less a good God for calling her home? Would I still be receiving your praise this morning had I not saved her? Is God still a good God when he says no?"

This is such a powerful message to me. It is so easy to say that I trust God and that I know he has my best interest in mind. But when it comes right down to it...do I trust him? Would I be able to praise him if he were to take home one of my loved ones, my daughter? my husband? The thought is enough to bring tears to my eyes. Is my faith strong enough? Is God's grace enough for me?

Wow

Who would have thought that putting a baby on a routine would be so hard, emotionally? Have you ever tried to go about your day as your child is crying in their crib because they don't want to sleep (on their own)? Breaks your heart... It has almost been a hour and she is just starting to calm down....and now she is scheduled to get up in 20 minutes. I don't doubt for a minute that this is what needs to happen in order to get her on a healthy schedule; how does the cliche go? No pain no gain. This time it is my emotional pain, not my physical pain that is being tested for the ultimate gain of a semi-predictable day. It is for her best and mine...just turn my music up a little louder so I don't go crazy with guilt as I listen to her plead for my attention.

Beautiful Baby

Olivia is now 19 days old. Where does the time go? It seems like I was still in the hospital yesterday. Over the past 2 1/2 weeks I have started to notice fun little idiosyncrasies about my amazing and beautiful daughter; including: She LOVES the sound of running water, she tends to stop fussing when she is getting her hair brushed, she has great dreams (I'm sure it's just gas but she smiles a lot when she sleeps...I'll just pretend that she is dreaming of happy things), and she is a drunk (milk drunk that is...you should see that face after she has nursed!).

I am learning how to function on very little sleep. It is amazing what you can still do with such little time to dream yourself. Some nights she sleeps 4-6 hours straight while others she's up every hour. Last night she didn't even try to sleep for me until about 5am. That was nice.....thankfully Greg didn't have to go to work today and was able to help out some.

I knew it would be an adjustment to my life style, having a baby....I am starting to feel the effects more and more now that I can't just "quick run errands". I have been to Grand Rapids twice in the past week and each time I can think of a million things I need to get done (new wiper blades for the car, buy more breast milk freezer bags, pick up my bridesmaid dress...) but it is really hard to do that when you have a baby. I am sure it will get better in time. I am still healing from the c-section and it will start to "warm" up eventually which will also help...it's just the time it takes to get to that point. There are things I would love to be getting done at home as well. I have books to read, pillow cases to sew, a baby book to update, wedding speeches to write, etc...but I just haven't yet. I know it is alright, again I am still in recovery, but I am just afraid that my maternity leave is going to be over before I know it and I will still have this list staring me in the face. I know all of this is OK and normal....just part of the adjustment to having something more important in my life than tasks; which I am more than OK with. Olivia is a wonderful blessing and I would rather have a list staring at me for the rest of my life than not have this precious gift cradled in my arms.

My Two Loves...

I could not be more in love with these two....

Greg has been such a loving support for me during this transition. His devotion to my needs and the needs of Olivia are amazing. He is truly God sent.

Olivia just melts my heart every time I look at her (even after I am lying her down from another feeding and she explodes in her pants at 1 am and I have to start the whole "to bed" routine again.)

Thank you God for giving me these amazing people in my life.

Hehe...Dress Up Is Fun!

My Very Own Sleeping Beauty

Isn't she precious! She is slowly starting to get onto a routine but she is having a hard time with the idea of only eating after nap...she seems to enjoy eating before nap, after nap, and in between those before and after times...just in case that next meal gets delayed for some reason. I guess she gets that from her daddy! :)

She's Here!

Olivia McKay

Here is the quick recap of her eventful coming....
Sunday 7:00pm Arrive at Hospital
Sunday 9:00pm Receive First Medication for Induction
Monday 10:00am Start Second Medication for Induction
Monday All Day Lots of Pain....
Tuesday 12:15am Start Pushing
Tuesday 2:45pm C-Section Discussed, She isn't in a good position and after that long of pushing she is starting to get "tired" as is Mom...
Tuesday 3:15am Start C-Section
Tuesday 3:29am She's Finally Here!

She wasn't the first baby of the year for Grand Rapids but she was the first for that hospital. I guess she wanted to make a very grand entrance.